Archive for the 'Interesting Stuff' Category

Australian Weddings – Traditions and Etiquette

Published on May 8, 2013 in Interesting Stuff. 2 Comments

The marital union of, usually, a man and a woman is a life cycle event celebrated in all cultures and is the focus of considerable folklore. This begins with beliefs and customs that may be observed in the lead-up to the wedding day.

For example, in many Christian or European societies it is widely believed to be unlucky for the bride and groom to see each other for twenty-four hours ? sometimes more, sometimes less ? before the wedding.

The wedding car may be decorated with streamers and also, of late, with a Barbie Doll, dressed in the same material as the bridesmaids’ dresses, attached to the bonnet. Other mascots and forms of decoration are also common, including the traditional white ribbons.

Beliefs and customs relevant to the wedding day itself vary widely. In Lithuanian tradition, for instance, it is a popular custom to prevent the bride and groom from entering the reception. The groom must convince the guardians at the door and the guests that he and his bride should be allowed in.

Gifts are offered as an inducement. Barring the way to the fully wed state, with all its attendant rights and obligations, is a widespread facet of wedding customs, a rite of passage that marks the transition of the newlyweds from unmarried to married. Barring customs are also reported in British, American, Japanese and Carpathian tradition.

There are many interesting and colourful wedding customs observed in different ethnic and religious groups in Australia, such as stamping on a drinking glass (Jewish), linking ribbon coronets worn by bride and groom (Greek), the groom arriving at the wedding on horseback (Indian), and sugared almonds being given to wedding guests (Greek, Italian and many other ethnic groups).

The custom of giving sugared almonds has also been reported in France, Wales, England, Scotland, Israel and Belgium. In other places, raw nuts are considered appropriate food and/or gifts at weddings, a continuation of the widespread association of nuts and fertility, though in Italian tradition the nuts are generally said to symbolise good luck.

Almost always, an Australian wedding ceremony is followed by a reception, supper or party for the newlyweds and their friends and families. Often held at a reception centre or other public facility hired for the purpose, wedding receptions may also take place in the home of the bride or groom.

Characteristic elements include music, dance, song, food and drink, and speeches and toasts by the father of the bride, best man and groom. It is the duty of the best man to read out telegrams, letters, cards and faxes from absent well-wishers on this occasion.

In the past, these messages may have been of a playfully suggestive nature, though this feature seems to have faded from the contemporary observance of the custom. The gifts to the newlyweds are usually displayed at the reception.

It is important to note the dramatic changes in marriage practices in Australia even in the last twenty years, and their consequent effect on wedding customs. These changes have been documented by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, and the 2001 Census shows changes such as the rise in non-church weddings.

Civil celebrants performed 53% of marriages in 2001, and of all marriages, 32% of all marriages, church and celebrant, are estimated to end in divorce.

In the same census, 72% of couples stated that they had cohabited before marriage, although this does not stop many of these couples eventually celebrating a legal marriage, sometimes with their children present, in simple or elaborate ceremonies which may be devised by the bride and groom themselves.

Another marked change in Australian society is the high rate of intermarriage between couples of different ethnic origins. All of these changes suggest that social commentators, need to be cautious about making pronouncements about marriage, or weddings, in Australia.
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Tax Haven Strategies

Published on March 21, 2013 in Interesting Stuff. 1 Comment

tax-haven The use of tax havens in day to day corporate life has grown to be almost mainstream these days. To the small businessman and the private investor, the use of tax havens still probably seems a little shady.

This shouldn’t be the case any more as the use of tax havens to reduce tax or just defer it for a while is now accepted practice all over the world with many of the largest Australian accounting and audit firms having departments advising major corporations how to structure their operations offshore.

Tax havens have a strong appeal for many multi-national companies established in foreign countries because of the advantages they offer for the legitimate reduction or deferment of taxation on certain profits earned offshore. Profits harboured in a tax haven enable working capital to be used in the cheapest way possible.

Traditionally, the tax haven has been used as a central point for handling paperwork and preparing and processing international trade documents. Many companies utilise tax havens for the passage of title of goods, so these transfers can proceed without the need for mountains of regulations and fees.

Tax havens are also popular as places to administer patent, trademark and royalty agreements. Because of the intangible nature of patents, trademarks and royalty agreements, they are easily moved from one jurisdiction to the other and the cost of doing this is very low in tax haven jurisdictions.

For instance, if a company with branches and subsidiaries overseas is a resident of a country with strict foreign exchange regulations, it may not want to repatriate the profits simply because if it did, it may have problems being able to transfer the funds back out if it wanted to reinvest them offshore. To solve this problem, it establishes a foreign intermediate holding company in a tax haven, not for tax reasons, but to avoid the foreign exchange control problems that its own country has imposed.

By simply interposing a tax haven company in a corporate structure does not result in the reduction of onshore taxes in most cases, but it may allow tax deferral. Eventually, the parent company will receive the income and when it does it will be taxable and possibly without the benefit of foreign tax credits that may have been available had the profits been repatriated from a tax treaty country. Most tax havens don’t have tax treaties with major countries such as Australia, which prevents the favourable use of lower withholding taxes that would have been available had the country been a signatory to a tax treaty.

Offshore Licencing and Patent Holding Companies

Royalties or licence fees can be, in certain circumstances, can be feed of tax obligations by using an offshore licensing company. For instance, the owner of a patent can incorporate an offshore licensing company and assign the rights to that offshore company. In turn the offshore company then has the right to licence the patent to a foreign subsidiary. By having the royalties paid to the licensing company in a tax haven, profits are effectively shifted from the foreign subsidiary to the offshore patent owning company, which pays little or no tax on the royalties that it receives.

Income from other intangible rights, such as trade marks, copyrights, know how and franchising rights, can be earned without incurring withholding or income tax if a tax haven company is established to sublicence other companies in various countries. Tax savings can be made also on patent royalties by combining tax havens.

Australia only deducts 10% withholding tax on Dutch companies. Therefore, if a tax haven company was established in the Netherlands Antilles with a Dutch subsidiary, and licences its Dutch patents to the Dutch company, the Dutch company, in turn, can licence to the Australian manufacturer.

The Australian company can then pay the Dutch subsidiary patent royalties incurring only 10% tax. The Dutch company can then pay the royalty to the tax haven company (which is the patent owner), thereby avoiding Dutch withholding taxes on dividends. The Dutch company is not taxed in the Netherlands, and the tax haven company avoids any further taxation. Total tax is 10%.

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Cozumel Island – Mexico

Published on July 26, 2009 in Interesting Stuff. 1 Comment

One of Mexico’s biggest islands, Cozumel, is located 20 km (12 miles) from the mainland, and 60 km (36 mi) south of Cancun. It is a flat, limestone formation shaped like a holster, and punctured by tens of cenotes (water-filled holes), many with their own marine forms, which are an extra attraction for swimmers and snorkellers who come to experience the island’s beautiful offshore reefs.

Jacques Cousteau first promoted Cozumel in 1960, when he identified Palancar at the island’s southern tip as one of the world’s best scuba-diving locations. He triggered an explosion of tourist development, only moderated in with the establishment of the National Marine Park in 1996: but the reefs were badly damaged by the deepwater piers built for cruise ships to bring new holiday makers.

Attitudes changed quickly. Cozumel’s new islanders (the 40,000 Maya who welcomed Herman (‘Stout’) Cortes in 1519 were reduced to 30 by 1510, and Cozumel became uninhabited) realised the value, not just of their spectacular marine wealth, but also of the island’s undeveloped centre.

You’ll never get a better chance to appreciate Mayan culture so close to good beaches. The biggest Mayan site, San Gervasio (named much later), was for centuries sacred to lx Chel, the goddess of fertility, and one of the Yucatan’s most important sanctuaries. There are several others, recovered from jungle and swampy mangrove lagoons now teeming with cormorants, pelicans, primary-coloured tree frogs, iguanas and crocodiles.

These days, the duty of collective care is replacing the brash mistakes of the 1970s. You can see 250 species in its clear waters, including the bright blue-and-yellow queen angelfish, the toad fish (unique to Cozumel), and huge sponges like the barrel and elephant ear, which grows to 3.6 m (12 ft) across. Cozumel is fabulously pretty and exotic, and you should go there with someone you love and watch the sunsets.

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Time Management and Goal Setting

Published on March 20, 2009 in Interesting Stuff. 11 Comments

mackay-bookkeeping Time management is an area of business management often overlooked or ignored. We all know someone in small business who races around like a madman all day, never enough hours in a day, all they do is rush and get worked up – maybe this person is you!

At the end of the day, when the dust settles, what have you achieved? Do you review the day and wonder “what happened to the day, I didn’t get as much done as I thought I would”. If this sounds familiar, then you may have an organisational and time management problem.

Successful people never seem to rush, they remain composed and unflustered. The difference between them and everybody else is they have mastered time management.

What is time management? It is simply allocating time in your day in an organised and efficient way. Before we can really understand how to time manage our day, we must ask ourselves what are we trying to achieve today, this week, this year and possibly ten years from now. This is “Goal setting”.

The best way in my opinion to achieve goals is to write them down. You should review these goals from time to time to ensure that they are relevant and achievable but not so achievable that you don’t have to try hard to achieve them otherwise what is the purpose of the goals in the first place?

At the start of each working year you should sit down and think about what you want to achieve this year, it could be that you want to increase your profits by 20%, you may want to move into larger premises, you may want to reduce your debt substantially. At the start of each working week you should write down on a note pad or in your diary the major jobs that need to be done this week, and review them each day to ensure you’re making progress and hopefully mark some of the tasks off the list.

You should keep the list on your desk or in a place where you will be constantly reminded what needs to be done this week. This list should be in order of priority so that the most important tasks at the top of the list get done first. Anything not achieved this week will be carried forward next week on a higher priority, this will ensure it gets done.

The next thing you should be doing is having a daily list of jobs to do. This will help keep you on track each day. Again, this list should be displayed where you can constantly refer to it and mark off the jobs completed. Marking off the jobs will give you a sense of achievement and let you know how you are progressing through the day. Always stick to the list where possible and keep working from high priority to low priority.

I know things can come up through the day that can throw the whole day out, but you must either deal with the crisis and return to your list or if the new task isn’t as important as some of the jobs on the list put it at the bottom of the list and continue doing what you were doing.

Every task you have to do should be written down for a couple of reasons. Firstly, so you don’t forget to do it and secondly, so you keep your day organised and you achieve your daily goals.

Beware starting jobs and not finishing them. This will turn tomorrow into a mess of half finished jobs and will cause “list blowout”. You will end up with a list a mile long and you will give up in despair and revert back to old habits of being in confusion all day and achieving nothing.

Remember each day you achieve your goals and tick off everything on your list, you get a little closer to achieving your weekly and ultimately your yearly and long term goals.
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There is Only One London

Published on February 26, 2009 in Interesting Stuff. 16 Comments

flights-bus There is the United Kingdom, there is England, and then there is London. . Three are related, but strictly speaking, London seems to be a world apart from the rest of Britain, marching to its own, unique rhythm.

Everything in London comes across as new and different. Throughout history, its people, fashions, trends and street life have always expressed the very essence of city life. Like New York, London is a city that never sleeps. Millions of tourists arrive in London every year, many of them already half in love with the city. You see them in the London Underground (the tube), on red double-decker buses and stepping into taxis. The new central London traffic zone, where private transport is essentially banned, makes the sights of London more navigable than ever before. It is also possible, and very pleasant, to walk through the city on foot, or to rent a bicycle along the Victorian Embankment on the Thames.

The first City of London
What is today London was once a small, rather insignificant settlement called Plowida, a name that means “settlement on the wide river”. The Romans conquered the region in the first century and founded the fortified city of Londinium around 47 CE. The Roman city of London covered an area of approximately 1 km2. The Romans built a bridge over the Thames, and used its banks as a shipping port for minerals and agricultural products. Londinium grew very quickly in the second century, when it became the commercial centre of the Roman province of Britannia Superior.

The Anglo-Saxon city
In 314, London became a bishop’s see by order of Emperor Constantine. By that time, the Roman Empire was growing weak. Without imperial patronage, London settled into a long period of decline. By the time the Romans had officially departed from their colony of Britannia in 410, the city was essentially depopulated. After 150 years of near abandonment, the Anglo-Saxons arrived to take advantage of London’s strategically advantageous position on the Thames. They did not settle there permanently, however, until 604, and even they chose not to rebuild within the ruins of the ancient fortified city, but somewhat further west. The new city, named Lundenvic (“London Harbour”), was declared the capital of the Kingdom of Essex. Its centre lay to the east of Trafalgar Square’s present location.

The Norman invasion
The Normans defeated the Anglo-Saxons at the Battle of Hastings in 1066. After entering London, William the Conqueror had himself crowned king of Britain in Westminster Abbey, which had just been completed the year before. All British monarchs ever since that time have been crowned there. In order to discourage any remaining Anglo-Saxon warriors from revolting, William had three fortresses built. Of the three – Baynard’s Castle, Monfichet’s Castle and the Tower of London — only the last survives today. In the interest of gaining popularity and ensuring domestic peace, William openly adopted the same rights, privileges and laws that had governed London during the Anglo-Saxon period.

A city in its prime
The sixteenth century was probably London’s golden age. After the city of London annexed Westminster around 1600, it quickly became the centre of the British Empire. London was one of the most important European commercial cities on the North Sea, despite the fact that the city was located some 30 km away from the sea on the banks of the Thames estuary. During the late sixteenth century, London’s cultural renaissance was in full swing. A great many theatres were built along the south bank of the Thames, the most famous of which was the Globe, where many of William Shakespeare’s plays were first performed. The New London.

The Great Plague and Fire of 1665 and 1666 left London shaken to its very foundations. Over 70,000 people died of plague and nearly two-thirds of the city was consumed by flames. Architect Sir Christopher Wren was responsible for rebuilding London’s many destroyed churches, including St. Paul’s Cathedral. The destruction of residential buildings in the city led many residents to settle outside the city walls in new districts that became London’s first suburbs.

Most aristocrats never returned to their city mansions, preferring to build townhouses in the now prestigious West End. Dickens’ London. The nineteenth century saw the construction of many important buildings and squares, including Trafalgar Square, Westminster Palace and Big Ben, the Royal Albert Hall, the Victoria and Albert Museum, Tower Bridge and the University of London. Prosperous times, however, are often accompanied by a dark shadow. Millions of the less fortunate were forced to live in overpopulated, filthy slums and suburbs. This was the London immortalized by Charles Dickens in novels like Oliver Twist and David Copperfield. By the turn of the twentieth century, London was far and away the biggest city on Earth: a whopping 6.6 million people lived there in 1901. At the time, London was undoubtedly the most powerful city in the world.

The ravages of war
London was badly damaged during World War II. The German Luftwaffe thoroughly destroyed its once uniform cityscape of Georgian and Victorian buildings, leaving large parts of the city centre and most of the East End completely levelled. After the war, housing complexes were built cheaply and rapidly. London’s docklands never recovered economically from the effects of World War II. Ship traffic was rerouted and the old piers and warehouses fell further into ruin, until city planners rediscovered the district in the 1980s.

Redevelopment has made Docklands one of London’s hottest commercial and residential locations. A wonderland of things to see. There is a greater concentration of important sights and tourist attractions in London than anywhere else in Britain. Greenwich Park, Westminster Palace and Abbey, the Royal Botanic Gardens and the Tower of London are all on the UNESCO World Heritage List. Many of London’s most popular museums offer free admission. Recent additions include British Airway’s gigantic big wheel. Known as the London Eye, it is actually a slowly rotating observation platform from which most of the city can be seen. Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, the changing of the guard at Buckinham Palace, a tour of the Tower of London, the Flower Market on Sundays, the bustle of Piccadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square … the list is endless.

The finest entertainment
Those eager for culture will find that the British capital is full of variety. While the mostly modern cultural facilities may look like nondescript concrete blocks from the outside, world-class performances are underway within. The Barbican Arts Centre is a case in point. Opinions about the exterior are divided; although it has its fans, it has also been described as an architect’s nightmare. Still, there is no disagreement on the excellence of its presentations, which include performances by the Royal Shakespeare Company, the London Symphony Orchestra and the London Classical Orchestra. Visitors should not miss an opportunity to attend a performance here. Breath of fresh air in the city. London does have a number of tranquil oases amidst the hectic activity of the city. London’s numerous parks are popular destinations for those who like to stroll out in the open air. Hyde Park is located in west-central London. This spacious park was once a royal hunting ground, the scene of bloody duels and executions, as well as a venue for exciting horse races. During World War II, it was transformed into a gigantic potato field. Today it is a fresh-air getaway for sun worshippers, or for those who want to take a boat ride on the Serpentine, its sinuous lake.

One corner of the park, near Marble Arch, is known as Speaker’s Corner, where anyone can stand up and express his or her opinion before a more-or-less interested audience. In Regents Park, near London Zoo, the lovely Queen Mary Rose Gardens are a wonderful place to pause and reflect after a busy day of seeing the very many wonderful sights of London. Finally, the ambitious tourist may want to take a double-decker bus or taxi north to Hampstead Heath, another vantage point that offers a magnificent view of the entire city.

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Vienna: Beautiful Baroque Centre of Europe

Published on December 28, 2008 in Interesting Stuff. 0 Comments

Located in the centre of Europe, Vienna is both a bustling city and a city known for its coffee houses, historic districts, beautiful parks, elegant squares and romantic courtyards.

Vienna means cafe culture, music and wine. Where else can one so happily spend all day sitting in a cafe, reading a magazine, sipping a Viennese coffee or drinking a glass or two of wine?

Roman Vindobona, founded in the year 15 CE, was completely destroyed by the Germanic migrations of the fourth and fifth centuries. With the Roman legions long gone, only a small settlement remained. The name Vindobona is likely a version of the Celtic “Vedunia”, which means “torrent”, a reference to the settlement’s location on the banks of the famous Danube River.

Vienna was a city of doubtful repute at the end of the twelfth century. Its ruler, Duke Leopold V, was complicit in the abduction of the English king, Richard Lionheart, on his way home from the Crusades. The two noblemen had clashed during the Third Crusade.

Forced to stop in Vienna, Richard was recognised and arrested. A huge ransom was paid for his release, roughly twenty five tons of silver, an enormous sum for those days. The duke used the silver to start a mint, the vast profits from which enabled him to grow the city and build new fortifications. Although Emperor Henry VI had given his blessing to the duke’s illegal activities, the pope had not, and in 1194 Leopold V was excommunicated.

The first version of Vienna’s cathedral was completed in 1147 as a small parish church, and was far too large for the tiny population of Vienna at that time. The city would not become important for another ten years, after it was named capital of the Duchy of Austria. A hundred years later, the original church was replaced by one built in the Romanesque style. Its facade, known as the Roman Towers, was preserved when construction of a Gothic church began in 1340.

In 1359, Duke Rudolf IV laid the cornerstone for the soaring Gothic nave, which was completed in 1474. Vienna’s early dukes had not been successful in elevating the town to a bishop’s see, which was necessary for St. Stephen’s to be declared a cathedral; it had always been simply a church within the diocese of Passau. It did not become the seat of a bishop, and thus formally a cathedral, until 1469. St. Stephen’s has undergone many changes since then. As tastes changed, the interior and exterior were upgraded to reflect the times. Recent restoration has uncovered traces of older versions of Vienna’s beloved “Steffl”, as the church is known locally.

The sixteenth century was very much focused on rebuilding Vienna’s fortifications, which had been damaged during the Turkish siege of 1529. Work was not quite finished when the Turks returned in 1684. They were stopped just outside Vienna, the gateway to Europe, and never got that far again. Bombardment from Turkish positions in what is today the Wienerwald (”Vienna Woods”) left the city badly damaged in the wake of the Turkish retreat.

Rebuilding Vienna brought a large number of baroque architects to the city. The most beautiful constructions from that era are noble and royal residences, including the Schonbrunn, Liechtenstein, Schwarzenberg and Belvedere Palaces.
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Getting Engin 121 Voice Box to work with a D Link DI-524UP wireless router

Published on August 12, 2007 in Interesting Stuff. 55 Comments

After about a week or so of having my Engin installed, I noticed that it dropped out every few hours and needed a power reset to reconnect. If I repowered the D-Link router the engin ready light would come back on after a minute or two.

I suspect it was a problem in the D-Link router rather than the engin box. What I have done is make the Engin box the primary gateway to the Internet, rather than the D-Link router. This is not the recommended method but so far it seems to work. What this means is I have two routers between my PCs and the big bad Internet.

Connectivity is as follows:

1. Optus Cable Internet (connected by Ethernet port on the Motorola Surfboard SB5100 Cable Modem to the modem port on the Engine Box )

2. Ethernet port on Engin box to WAN port on D-Link DI-524UP .

In setting up the D Link DI-524UP I pretended that the Engin box was the Internet Router rather than a router in between. Here’s some screenshots of the D-Link router config and the DHCP screen from the Engin router. Make sure you find out these DNS settings or your D-Link router won’t know where to get DNS records.

If it’s Optus Cable, use the ones in the screenshot below. The process is:

1. Give the D-Link router a fixed IP address of 10.0.0.1 and make the Engin box the gateway for the D-Link router (10.0.0.99)

2. Set up the D-Link router to be a DHCP server and allocate IP addresses to the devices on the LAN side of the D-Link router. I use the default 192.168.0.1 address.

Nine words women use…

Published on July 22, 2007 in Interesting Stuff. 0 Comments

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to do what you’re doing before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine”.

4.) Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It! The best way to defuse this situtation is to say: “On second thought’s you’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

5.) Loud sigh: This is actually a word, but it is often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of “nothing”.)

6.) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say “you’re welcome”.

8.) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying “you’re dead”.

9.) Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking `What’s wrong?’ For the women’s response refer to #3.

Engin review – VOIP service

Published on July 19, 2007 in Interesting Stuff. 0 Comments

My wife makes an average of 60 calls per month to Sydney from Brisbane at an average costs of $2.70 each. That’s $162 per month. She also has clients overseas in places like PNG and the middle east.

I’ve been thinking about signing up for one of those voice over the Internet services for years and finally last week I signed up with Engin. The signup process was easy and within 3 days I had my Engin voice box and a nifty little wireless phone. The plan I’ve signed up to is $10 per month and the phone cost $30 if I committed to 12 months.

So far I have been very impressed with the quality of service. We have Optus Cable Internet and a small wireless LAN at home. All I had to do to get it working was plug in the Engin box to the router, activate the service by e-mail and then power up the telephone.

The voice quality is very acceptable, about 90% as good as standard PSTN. The other impressive features are incoming call control, call blocking, time of day diversion and so on. A 4 hour call to Sydney costs us 10 cents. Overseas calls are about 3.5 cents per minute.

I have no idea how much bandwidth a call consumes, which can be important if you have a cap on your downloads and uploads. I suspect bandwidth consumption is around about 20 kilobits per second which equates to 150k per minute or 9 Mb per hour. It could be a lot less than that because I assume the gaps between words consume very little bandwidth.

I was a bit worried about what happens to the voice quality when shaping from the ISP kicks in. Once I hit my download limit on the cable Internet, Optus throttles me back to about 56Kbps. I noticed no change in the voice quality once my connection was throttled back to 56Kbps.

UPDATE – PROBLEMS WITH DROP OUTS

Health Warning: How I ripped my scrotum open

Published on June 23, 2007 in Interesting Stuff. 0 Comments

Skin tag photo from Internet I had a nasty experience this week that lead to me ending up at the emergency ward of the local hospital. It is an embarrassing story, but an interesting story none the less.

I usually ride a bicycle to work and this particular day I had worn nylon swimming shorts instead of my normal bike shorts. These swimming shorts are the type that are lined with a white, mesh-type fabric.

To cut a long story short, I had a skin tag on the bottom of my scrotum about the size of a match head. It had been there for years and didn’t cause any discomfort so I had done nothing about it.

Unfortunately, during my ride home this skin tag had worked its way into a hole in the mesh lining of my swim shorts.

I was about to have a shower and pulled my shorts down. The next thing I know there’s blood all over the bathroom floor and a sharp pain in my crotch.

You guessed it, when I pulled my shorts down I ripped off the skin tag and about 2 cm of skin from my scrotum with it.

I had no idea that scrotums could bleed so much. In a calm, but shaky voice, I called my wife to come and help me.

Fighting back nausea from the sight of so much blood, she did a great job of patching me up using folded tissue and band aids.

I then waddled down the street to the local private hospital’s emergency department.

I told the triage nurse about my wound and asked for some stitches.

She asked me how it happened and in return I smiled a sick grin and asked her “do you really want to know?”

She paused for a few seconds and shaking her head said that she didn’t really want to. Trying to fight back giggles, she got me in to see the doctor.

He was very casual and professional about the whole story and suggested we try a special medical superglue. Holding the edges of the wound together he applied a bead of glue to the wound and held it together for about 30 seconds. The glue stung like hell, the gluing was even more painful than the initial injury.

He told me to wear jockey shorts for the rest of the week and that the glue would eventually drop off in a few days.

He was right. There was no swelling, no inflammation, and no pain. After three days I was back on the bike as good as new.

It cost me $250 for the treatment and I was in and out in 50 minutes. Medicare will pay all but $150 of it. I could have gone to the local public hospital but I didn’t feel like waiting for 7 hours just to have some overworked intern stitch me up in a very delicate place.

I’ll be wearing proper bike shorts from now on.

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